High Intensity Pigment

Yesterday, I went to church for the first time in at least three months. I don't think I've been more than one time since we moved back from the coast in October. I've had excuse after excuse, some very valid and some not so much, as to why I couldn't go. And ALL of these excuses had to do with my children. "Aiden has a cough, The girls are too little, The nursery doesn't fix the bottle right, Carsen cries when I leave, AIDEN cries when I leave..." The list goes on and on. So yesterday, I decided to get up and go to church because it was the Minister of Music's last Sunday and I wanted to see his work one last time. He is uber-talented and the choir in phenomenol and always a blessing. I also went to support my Daddy, a devoted choir member who is devestated (not his words because he's a man's man, but I know he is devestated), by the loss of the such a talented guy. So, that said, I got all dolled up for church-and because I've lost five pounds and my clothes are getting loose and one of my chins has gone away-I felt pretty good about myself. I put on my makeup extra-nice, and I used my new mascara, which is a color that I call SCARY BLACK. It's part of L'oreal's HIP (High Intensity Pigment) line, which is made especially for those with ethnic skin tones. Those of you who know me know that I am the whitest white girl ever...literally. I'm one step from Albino now that I've given up tanning. So naturally, I got the HIP mascara. I wanted my lashes to POP. Ha. Well, they did and I was impressed. So off I went to church, with Aiden and my HIP eyelashes in tow. (Anthony kept the girls at home because he didn't bring church pants this weekend. He wasn't planning on going since we never go lately. How sad is that?) Mom and I dropped Aiden off at Sunday School. He was geared up for it because we told him they would sing and learn about Jesus (He LOVES "Jejus"). Well, in true Aiden fashion, he teared up when we got there and he didn't know anyone. I looked at the teacher and said, "He'll be fine! But I did promise him that he'd be singing this morning so if you could throw in a 'Jesus Loves Me' even if it was unplanned, that'd be great!" He nodded and took my crying baby from me and we rushed off to church, which had already started. The first few minutes in church after leaving a crying child are pointless. You wonder if you should have just brought them with you or if they are still possibly crying, but after a few minutes, it usually wears off. Plus, they'd have paged me if he kept it up, right? So anyway, I finally settled down and began to worship. That's when it happened! Something came over me like I haven't felt in SO long. It was the spirit of the Lord speaking to me louder and clearer than I've ever heard. All of the sudden I knew why my life had been so chaotic and crazy (aside from my three children under two and my husband who I only see two days a week). It was because I was trying to handle it all without God. This has been my problem all of my life as a child of the King. I have SUCH a hard time giving up the reins and letting God lead me. I went through this right before I found out I got my job in Jackson. I had an epiphany then, too, and ended my stuborn streak by finaly telling God that I'd be fine if I had to stay where I was, and giving up the bitterness that was consuming my life and my joy. I remember telling God that I was sorry that I'd been trying to fit everything into my time instead of His. It was so humbling and SO not long ago. God blessed me then by showing me that he wanted me to have the desire of my heart (He loves me THAT much!!) and the very next day I got a call saying I had gotten the job in Jackson. How did I forget that lesson so soon? Well, God reminded me yesterday, in a split second, I tell you, that all I need to do to make things right is to just show up, come to Him and be willing. I could have shown up and not come to Him, or I could have shown up, come to Him and not have been willing, but I did all three...and I was SO blessed. I have decided that I will be an active participant in Crossgates Baptist Church, which is where my family attends. I want my children to know and to love Jesus. Aiden and I pray every night, which is so sweet and such a special time, but God told me yesterday that I can't do it on my own. I need Godly leaders to reinforce that lessons that I teach my children at home. It may not be Biblically based, but when I hear the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child, I automatically think of the many Godly men and women that were put in my path as a child who taught me about the love of Jesus. It is my desire to be a Godly mother and wife and I can't do that without the support of a church family. All of this was revealed to me yesterday. It was just amazing! And I tell you this, in true Mandye style, I blubbered. I could barely contain myself. I was moved by this being the last Sunday for the Minister of Music, I was moved by the lesson that God was teaching me and I was moved by the spirit of the people around me. It was clear that this was a loving place, and a place where I could belong and worship. I pray that when Anthony is permanantly here come April 13th, we will be able to join as a family and truly be home at Crossgates. In the mean time, I feel that God has called me to transform my blog from More than a Mommy to a blog about the trails and tribulations, the blessings and joy, of raising my three children in the way of the Lord. The name may change, because I really don't know yet what I want to call it. I want everyone to know that I need your prayer. This world is not friendly anymore, especially not for children. I need prayer to keep my children safe, keep them healthy and to help them grow in the Lord. I am already teaching Aiden how to pray, and I am so blessed by his simple prayers. Oh if we all would just humble ourselves like children when we prayed. It is so genuine and pure. And God places people on his heart already, at two years old. Sometimes he prays for family or his friends at school and sometimes it's a surprise like the time when he prayed for Mary Kellan Sartin when she was sick. He didn't know she was sick and needed prayer, but he followed what was layed on his heart and simply said her name. God moves through children, and he has already taught me lessons through mine.

Lord, I pray that this blog will be a place of encouragement and will at times serve as a beacon when there's a mom out there who is feeling lost like I was, and needs to find Your sweet light again. I pray that others will learn that finding You is as simple as showing up, coming to You, and being willing. I am willing, Father God. Please use me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

After the service I found my sister and asked her if I had High Intensity Pigment all over my face. She laughed, hugged me (like good sisters do) and said no. Aparently the money you pay for that stuff keeps it in place. Praise God! That could have been a scary sight!!! Oh, and when I asked Aiden what he did in Sunday School, he said he sang"Jejus Woves Me!" and proceeded to sing it to me. Praise God for Godly teachers! My village is already pitching in!!! Love to all! -Mandye

EDITED TO ADD: I decided to just start a brand new blog called A Page Is Turned for my journal and to keep this one open to update on anything else I want to talk about. Check out A Page is Turned!